in one day, fully one-third of the neighbourhood trees fell ill to the peaked illustrations of nature’s orange brush. not looking forward to winter…
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Category: everyday minutae
Categories
eating like royalty
today at the store, a mother and her small 5 year old child walked in just ahead of me. as i reached for a small carry-basket, they turned to grab a shopping cart and the child asked, “mommy, we’re buying a whole bunch today huh?”
Categories
insomniac introspection
last night included a detailed tour of every hour, and i have the fatigue this morning to prove it. for whatever reason, i just couldn’t fall asleep; a malady that has plagued me for a majority of the past month.
in effort to quell this, the open evening sky got my visit, and a chance to perform with all its charm, and perhaps it was my insomnia reacting, but the show didn’t disappoint. a mild temperature, delicate breeze, and a sky filled with a velvety navy-blue, completed by a sprinkling of stars and other heavenly bodies as lint specks across the fabric.
it got me thinking about the light given off by stars, and how far away some of them really are. even at the speed of light, some of the night-stage’s performers are thousands of years away; that some of the twinkling i enjoyed last night originated when ancient egypt was brand new. puts a bit of perspective on our concept of time and history…everything we record is really just a small, one-comma long journal entry in the diary of the universe. it’s just an excerpt, a sticky note telling some of the events earth and its residents have experienced. historians’ jobs are to create a comprehensive and complete of all events, ever; though they never can, nor never will be able to transcribe the “history” of everything everywhere. makes their job more closely related to sub-atomic physicists or micro-biologists, studying and figuring on such a small sliver of the whole.
why have so many deep and introspective ideas been swimming in my mind recently? almost as if trying to drown my “normal” thoughts–if there are such things in my brain. running has always been a therapy for me, a counselor with a bleach-tipped eraser, or at least a giant filing cabinet to organise and store all the clutter. maybe the strict running routine has given me (once more) the capacity to think as i should? my morning session on the treadmill awaits, perhaps i’ll find out then…
listening to:
12 Memories (pre-release, available 10/14)
Travis
it’s human nurture to make rules; it’s human nature to bend and break them.
somewhere along the line, some group of people felt it was necessary for laws such as the “speed limit”. and through the years, everyone has grown to accept them as a normal part of daily life. but of course, human nature will decree that everyone try to eke out a few (or many more) miles per hour than the law allows. one can even incur the wrath of many drivers’ road rage for NOT exceeding the speed limit. i know this because i don’t speed in the z, (although i fight the constant urge to squeeze 4mph extra out!)
Categories
everlasting
“brown-eyed boy meets a blue-eyed girl
you can sew it up, but you still see the tear
baby’s got blue skies, but in this i’m a raincloud;
ours is a stormy kind of love
oh, oh…the sweetest thing” — bono
never one for timing: when i’ve finally figured out exactly what i want; she no longer does.
the nice thing about sewing it up, but still seeing the tear is the same as a poem: a poem is still pretty even once you rip it from the notebook and have all the ruffled edges on the side of the page. love may be fickle and even fragile, but it’s forever; wrinkles, tears, and smudges do nothing to the poem’s impact when you remember its lines.
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toilet salon
what an unusual dream last night:
i was attending the upcoming family reunion (to be this sunday, august 31), and although plenty of things happened, only one seems to stick in memory. my grandmother’s house is the setting, where the reunions always occur. now although her bathroom is adequately sized, my dream exaggerated the room’s dimensions to approximately that of your average shopping mall hair salon, and strangely enough; that random comparison rings true in the sense that stationed in precise increments around the perimeter were white toilets, much like the arrangement of styling chairs at a salon. all of the toilets had clear water, with fish swimming around; almost like it was some bizarre pet store; one end of the room even had a black countertop and an attendant of some sort.
a line had grown which strung out of the room and beyond my line of vision; i’m not sure what the line was waiting for, but my position was almost an exact halfway from the front to the back (as far as i could see, anyway). of course, after standing idle for long enough, the urge to defecate came along, and the longer i stood there, the more intense and unavoidable the urge became. after looking around a bit, i noticed a toilet unlike the others in some manner (i don’t quite remember if it was the colour, size, or some other attribute), but it was out of place; just floating in the middle of the room, rather than along a wall between two others. i crept over to it, visually inspecting the unit for any signs of life, which there were none. now normally, i have enough sense of humility to keep my excretions private, but in this particular moment, all bets were off — it could not wait another minute! so, i disrobed appropriately and did my business…
suddenly, everyone turned and gasped in horror. not because a man was shitting before them in public, but because there were two rare fish residing in that bowl. their gasps became riotous and angry words; the mob seemed ready to stone me…i cleaned and packaged myself, and reassured everyone that the bowl was empty. when the store clerk came to check, all of a sudden there were two small fish swimming among 4 long, wooden door-coloured links of faeces; both fish very exotic-looking with one being a sky blue with long, frilly fins; the other a yellow and orange with odd bulges and also extravagant extremities. they must have been hiding in the “drain cave”, as i surely checked before i chunked. turns out this was some unorthodox pet store, and these were two special imported fish; and the line was a lottery of sorts.
i don’t quite remember the rest, nor the outcome, but i do know that i spent quite a while trying to rectify the situation, in all my embarrassment. and i do know now that i never want to show my bare ass to my relatives for any reason whatsoever.
listening to: u2 – outside broadcast (from the zoo tv tour)
Categories
search for meaning and onesself
i’ve never been so awake in all my life — even after approximately zero hours of sleep! i thought perhaps my sickness with mono was recurring, but considering how early i wake, and how late i sleep; and my general lack of fatigue, i doubt it. i disagree with the common maternal instinct to seek medical attention for any illness or affliction that comes along; especially select specialists — including those of religious ministry.
it’s interesting how teenagers in general (not that i am one anymore) feel as if they have some deep introspective grasp on reality — including the ability to understand their parents (for example), yet the parents have little to no clue whatsoever into the lives of their children. i guess as we get older, the everyday struggles and burdens dampen the pristine condition and the wide eyed wonderment we’re born with; and it’s not until our teenage years that those problems of life first begin appearing — coincidentally the same point in life we begin to realise, understand, and deal with the world around us – a kind of utopian middle-ground where the innocence of childhood and the tarnish of reality collide, save for a small percentage of us who carry childhood and adolescence right into adulthood.
personally, i wouldn’t want my life any other way; even in complete silence and total solitaire, existence is never futile; never lacking the reason to continue. the meaning of life is just that: to survive no matter what. i refuse to let the rest of the world vandalise my spirits, the same graffiti that causes adults to lose that innocence and connectivity to their surroundings. perhaps this is why 95% of the world’s population believes in some religious being; it is some type of crutch to rest their trampled lives upon? but it does make me wonder — if the rest of society genuinely knows or sees something in religion that i can’t, or maybe i am right to say they all suffer from some mass-delusion to which i am immune?
i don’t know, but everyday is an ongoing battle to determine which truths are true — if any are at all! i have attributed this indecision to the fact that i am very analytical; that i look for empirical evidence and logical proof to rationalise everything; very rarely relying upon faith or intuition to justify my thoughts. yet the lack of explanations for so many questions and the helplessness we sometimes feel when we have no control over certain things in our lives really does make one want to point to some “magical” underlying force somewhere.